hey today we had a assembly today it was horrible we had a stupid assembly... yesterday was about drunk driving and ever 15 min. someones dies from drunk driving.... yesterday was okay... today was the funeral... and that went over like a ton of bricks!!! i bawled like during the whole thing especially when kids had to write letters to their loved ones when they died... some of those things i wish i would've said to my mom and talk about writting obituaries and saying speeches about the person who died just tore me apart... i txted my cousin and he brought me to the counselors and was my support im glad he was there he doesnt give me pity and i dont want people to i just want people to listen also i just really want to say this: CHEYENNE YOU ARE AN AWESOME PERSON AND FRIEND!!!!
AND HERE IS HER BLOG: www.cheyenne555031.blogspot.com
kk thats kind it so byes pples
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
home
hey guys im staying home today because i had a rough night last night and i really dont feel like talking about it maybe later so later then....
pebles
pebles
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
teenagerly evilness for idiots lol do u get it?
these are the things you should do to be a average or in my case weird average anyway these are the things:
- sleep all the time
- eat all the time
- be smartaleky
- listen to music at the top volume
- ignore evryone while listening to music
- ummmm idk uhhhh be clueless
i think thats it ive like been a teenager for like ......... wow three years dannnggggggg im old!!!!! lol yay thats it lol
-pebbles
Friday, April 17, 2009
hey again
hey my folowers and justin lol i just wanted to say hi and my brothers first game was calceled cause it snowed on the bright side its my cousins jessicas birthday tomarrow shes ganna be 13 shes gonna be a teeneager and she gonna learn all her teenage stuff from me lol she gonna be evil just like me lol its gonna be great together maybe our teenagerly evilness will finally bring down teryn lol
pebbles
pebbles
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
hey guys
hey guys sorry about not posting my internet has been acting up but on the brighter news my grandma from az is here to visit us sooo im really happy and thats practically itso hey guys and good bye wait thats not it my little brother has his first game today woo hoo go cal ripkens a's oh and he was in the local papersomeone asked him how he felt aout the fair grounds he has nver been there he said yeah its cool the fair is awesome... what a weirdo im related too nw thats it kkk bye peoples
pebbles
pebbles
Sunday, April 12, 2009
happy easter
happy easter peeps! yay bunnys and chocolates!!! but how in the world is a bunny even closley realted to an egg? mabe the easter bunny is sort like a platypus just in bunny form?i had to do a report on a platypus.... stupid science subs.... and is the easter bunny a guy or a girl? gosh so many ?s for a wierd bunny or is it a rabbit is there a difference? and is it really named peter cottontail? so does that conclude the easter bunny is a guy? ygh sorry for my rant and happy easter!!!
pebles
pebles
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
hey guys
hey guys i just am feeling kind adepressed i realy miss my mom and dad and still hate deryk oh and read my story i posted any way im posting a picture of my mom cause i ike lokking at her cause it makes me happy when shes happy u pple wont really know how i feel unless u lost someone that close to you i can name a few who do feel that way and i wont name them .... alright heres my mom
If We Stayed
not real names!!!!
Pebbles
Mr. Nelsen
2B
3/23/09
If We Stayed
You always see people with bad lives on T.V. or in books; but you never have someone that’s close to you or even you yourself endure a hardship. Unfortunately it is someoneyour close to….. Because it’s me…. And my little brother Nick. You may see me at school, in the mall, or somewhere else but all you think is “oh it’s just that girl. What’s her name? Emily? Yah it was Emily wasn’t it.” You never think “I wonder how she and her brother are doing with everything that’s going on.” You would never think twice because you don’t know or don’t really care. You would maybe be scared of what to say and how you say it. Or maybe your one of those people who always say “oh please I already have enough drama in my own pitiful life”. Well I guess I might have to say too bad because it is my time, as the drama queen inside of all of us might say, to share my own pitiful life.
My little brother and I were raised without a dad; we were raised very well for the fact that our mom had been a single parent since I was three.(I am now 15 my brother is now 11) We were just the happiest little family you would ever see, always loving and caring about each other cause that was all we had. The best of the best that,was us. Our mom cared more about us than her in any matter even if she had to go to the doctor. She would always save up that money from not going to the doctors for either our doctor visits or asthma medicine for Nick. Maybe other any medicines that we needed to have and she would go to any length to get it.
Unfortunately, those missed doctor visits added up. Mom got sick. She got really sick. She had to go to the hospital. She was diagnosed with liver failure, kidney failure, lung failure, and eventually heart failure. She was in there for one month exactly. She had one whole month of suffering I wish I would have endures instead of her. I still get nightmares of her in her hospital bed all bloated from poisons that were killing her; she would wake up, and try to pull herself up while calling my name. I got that dream for months after she died. During that time I was 14 and Nick was just 10. We had to move to a different state and live with our grandma and Deryk, her spouse.
Deryk is a 72 year old man. To be factual he was an old, cranky, homicidal, little boy hater, jealous, 72 year old man. It would always start off as simply yelling, then more vigorous. Then he would hit. Not just hit, he would choke and kick him. The worst thing that man did to Nick was tell him this:“YOU KNOW WHY YOUR MOM DIED!!? YOU KILLED HER!! YOU KILLED HER FROM STRESS!!” When you tell a ten year
old that sooner or later he will believe that.
My little boy did believe that and he started talking about if he was dead then momwould still be alive. He would cry and crawl into my arms and just talk about dying andwhat it would be like to die. I just held him and brushed back his thick hair the way our mom used to do when we were upset. It helped him calm down so I could get some sort of thought through my head. When you hear the only person you truly would go in front of a bullet for say that. Your world crumbles, not even to big chunks but to dirt; lowly, pathetic dirt.
It was my first year in high school; you’re supposed to work harder than ever on your school work. I couldn’t even remember my own friends’ names. Could you? My grades were horrible, I was losing the new friends’ I had just made. I was being frowned upon by teachers and my grandma. My grandma is a great person; she just didn’t want to believe that her husband was beating her grandson.
Since my grandma wasn’t going to call the police on her husband that was so good to her. Deryk obviously wasn’t going to turn his self in. Nick had turned 11 and he just hated it when I talked about him telling on Deryk. I was not going to let that... that…creature hurt my bother. I told my aunt when we visited all that was happening in that house.
So as was decided we were to move. So I would be a new kid in a new state, again.
More court orders to get us to stay with our aunt, More packing, and probably a certain old guy that’s most likely going to be more agitated than usual. The faster we packed and said our good byes to the friends we had made in those horrible seven months, the faster we got to leave. I don’t really like moving but you do have to do what you have to do. All I had to do was make sure nothing drastic was to happen during the time we began packing from the time we get on the plane.
The moment we got onto that plane was the greatest moment of my life, Nicks’ too. I could tell he exclaimed “Thank god! I was scared of that guy, Emily.” Even though his words were scary I laughed at the way he said those words. Out of nervousness my laugh turned out weird. Even though we were free of that man I was still scared, I’m not sure why but I was scared and you cant help those kinds of feelings.
We got off the plane and took that long hour drive it took to take to get to the tiny little house from the airport. The little house was out in the country of Morgan Hill California. That house was so cute the first time I saw it. You could never guess you could comfortably fit two people in there much less six. My aunt and uncle were married and had two kids a sixteen year old, Tyrone and a six year old named Nicole. All together that made six of us squished into that little house.
Deryk and our grandma had to drive our stuff up here and our cat and dog. While
everyone was waiting for them to come here Nick came up with a startling question.
What if we had stayed in Arizona with Deryk? “Why would you think of that?” I asked.
“Well… I was just wondering what you would do? What would you do if we had to
stay there?” He seemed frightened by the question.
“I… don’t know…” I couldn’t answer the question; I was stunned by his answer. My
little brother sounded just so little and alone. He stood there his hazel eyes seemed to get bigger every moment I couldn’t answer.
“Would you do anything?” he didn’t look me in the eye as he spoke.
“What!” I couldn’t imagine he just said that. “I would move across the country for
you.”
“What would you do about Deryk?” all I could see was his heart in his eyes, the grief that needed to be let go.
“Well, I would call the police, or maybe I’d be sent to juvi for beating an old guy to death.” The last thing made him smile; the smile was showing his new teeth that had been growing in. with my answer he walked off to play with Nicole like nothing horrible had ever happened to him at all. Moments like that I wish could happen all the time. I actually don’t know what I would do. Would I actually have the courage to call the police? I’m pretty sure I would definitely have the courage to beat that guy to death and tear him apart with my bare hands.
I would definitely hurt Deryk to the point where he would die. He should he is evil and our parents were not. Our dad lived to the age of 29, our mom 42. He being 72 and evil definitely deserves the right to be dead. Just thinking about unfair life is sends millions of raw emotions into my body and mind.
Anger, rage sorrow, confusion, pain, and many other emotions that it would take me years to explain. Even if I wrote them down word for word it would probably be all sorts off gibberish to you. These emotions were coming back just like when I found out my mom was gone.
I would never hear say good night, good morning even boring stuff that she could talk for hours for. But I would have her talk about computers just so I could her my moms’ voice. The way she would smile or make funny voices to make us laugh. Those were the moments I would kill for. Literally. Those emotions were all coming back but in different manners.
I had to get back to the real question, what would I do? Maybe I would let one of the child protection services (C.P.S) people deal with it. If they did Nick and I would be sent into foster care. We could be separated, I wouldn’t be able to function I wouldn’t be able to breath knowing Nick was gone. To me that was worse than us dying.
Maybe I could run away. Nick and would be together, like I wanted ever since our
mom died. I thought that when our dad died it was just the three of us. When my mom
passed the only number left is two. I could do running. I wouldn’t let anything hurt us that would be over my dead body. This hopefully won’t be happening any time soon. I won’t ever know I guess but that would be as far as I could go. If I could go farther, if that was possible, I would.
All I know is that I would go to the ends of the earth to get my brother away from that monster of a man. I would do everything humanly and inhumanly possible to make sure my only immediate family member will have the best life he could ever have after this. Any kid that has to go through what he did should. Too bad the world won’t recognize that factor. Maybe they only care about famous people but famous people make up their own problems; like breaking a nail and not notice while doing a photo shoot. That would probably make the front page for maybe a week give or take.
I don’t know what I would do and I’m glad I will never find out. Thankfully our aunt had come into our lives at the right time. During the seven months I spent enduring Deryk I began to lose the faith in if there was a god or not. Now I guess I can thank faith for being there when we needed it the most. Faith or not things happen for a reason and they happen when they happen.
I know every feeling in the world one human being can feel. I know every type of rage and sorrow a teenage girl can feel worth a lifetime. But I probably wouldn’t give that up. If this didn’t happen I wouldn’t have realized how much I needed to be close to my family. My family is family, they wont hurt you they will always be there for you, they will be the hands that will hold you up when you fall. I will never, never, ever forgive Deryk for what he did to my little, 11 year old brother. Deryk will never deserve my attention and he never will get it. We don’t talk about Deryk much anymore. My brother and I try to think about all the happy things that we did with our mom. In those times we would laugh and cry. Even if we would cry it would still be one of those happy Kodak moments. My brother and I would escape reality for a while.
During those occasional times when we would talk about our mom; I feel as if the gap between us that Deryk had created was being filled up twice as fast as we had to lose it. I hated the situation we were in. hated it more than the life I had been given.In the long run of things everything sort of worked out. My brother and I are getting closer than ever. Before we were just drifting away. Further and further apart. Maybe I could even thank Deryk, without him I would have never have realized how much my brother and I really needed each other. Without what had happened we wouldn’t be the people we are and we wouldn’t have the feelings we have today. I’m pretty lucky thatthings had happened the way they happened.
Everything that needs to fall into place will fall into place. You just need to let it happen how ever hard it may be. You might not want to be in the situation your in but every thing does happen for a reason. My little brother and I are living proof of this. Even if you’re young you can make it through. My little Nick was just ten and I was just fourteen.
Pebbles
Mr. Nelsen
2B
3/23/09
If We Stayed
You always see people with bad lives on T.V. or in books; but you never have someone that’s close to you or even you yourself endure a hardship. Unfortunately it is someoneyour close to….. Because it’s me…. And my little brother Nick. You may see me at school, in the mall, or somewhere else but all you think is “oh it’s just that girl. What’s her name? Emily? Yah it was Emily wasn’t it.” You never think “I wonder how she and her brother are doing with everything that’s going on.” You would never think twice because you don’t know or don’t really care. You would maybe be scared of what to say and how you say it. Or maybe your one of those people who always say “oh please I already have enough drama in my own pitiful life”. Well I guess I might have to say too bad because it is my time, as the drama queen inside of all of us might say, to share my own pitiful life.
My little brother and I were raised without a dad; we were raised very well for the fact that our mom had been a single parent since I was three.(I am now 15 my brother is now 11) We were just the happiest little family you would ever see, always loving and caring about each other cause that was all we had. The best of the best that,was us. Our mom cared more about us than her in any matter even if she had to go to the doctor. She would always save up that money from not going to the doctors for either our doctor visits or asthma medicine for Nick. Maybe other any medicines that we needed to have and she would go to any length to get it.
Unfortunately, those missed doctor visits added up. Mom got sick. She got really sick. She had to go to the hospital. She was diagnosed with liver failure, kidney failure, lung failure, and eventually heart failure. She was in there for one month exactly. She had one whole month of suffering I wish I would have endures instead of her. I still get nightmares of her in her hospital bed all bloated from poisons that were killing her; she would wake up, and try to pull herself up while calling my name. I got that dream for months after she died. During that time I was 14 and Nick was just 10. We had to move to a different state and live with our grandma and Deryk, her spouse.
Deryk is a 72 year old man. To be factual he was an old, cranky, homicidal, little boy hater, jealous, 72 year old man. It would always start off as simply yelling, then more vigorous. Then he would hit. Not just hit, he would choke and kick him. The worst thing that man did to Nick was tell him this:“YOU KNOW WHY YOUR MOM DIED!!? YOU KILLED HER!! YOU KILLED HER FROM STRESS!!” When you tell a ten year
old that sooner or later he will believe that.
My little boy did believe that and he started talking about if he was dead then momwould still be alive. He would cry and crawl into my arms and just talk about dying andwhat it would be like to die. I just held him and brushed back his thick hair the way our mom used to do when we were upset. It helped him calm down so I could get some sort of thought through my head. When you hear the only person you truly would go in front of a bullet for say that. Your world crumbles, not even to big chunks but to dirt; lowly, pathetic dirt.
It was my first year in high school; you’re supposed to work harder than ever on your school work. I couldn’t even remember my own friends’ names. Could you? My grades were horrible, I was losing the new friends’ I had just made. I was being frowned upon by teachers and my grandma. My grandma is a great person; she just didn’t want to believe that her husband was beating her grandson.
Since my grandma wasn’t going to call the police on her husband that was so good to her. Deryk obviously wasn’t going to turn his self in. Nick had turned 11 and he just hated it when I talked about him telling on Deryk. I was not going to let that... that…creature hurt my bother. I told my aunt when we visited all that was happening in that house.
So as was decided we were to move. So I would be a new kid in a new state, again.
More court orders to get us to stay with our aunt, More packing, and probably a certain old guy that’s most likely going to be more agitated than usual. The faster we packed and said our good byes to the friends we had made in those horrible seven months, the faster we got to leave. I don’t really like moving but you do have to do what you have to do. All I had to do was make sure nothing drastic was to happen during the time we began packing from the time we get on the plane.
The moment we got onto that plane was the greatest moment of my life, Nicks’ too. I could tell he exclaimed “Thank god! I was scared of that guy, Emily.” Even though his words were scary I laughed at the way he said those words. Out of nervousness my laugh turned out weird. Even though we were free of that man I was still scared, I’m not sure why but I was scared and you cant help those kinds of feelings.
We got off the plane and took that long hour drive it took to take to get to the tiny little house from the airport. The little house was out in the country of Morgan Hill California. That house was so cute the first time I saw it. You could never guess you could comfortably fit two people in there much less six. My aunt and uncle were married and had two kids a sixteen year old, Tyrone and a six year old named Nicole. All together that made six of us squished into that little house.
Deryk and our grandma had to drive our stuff up here and our cat and dog. While
everyone was waiting for them to come here Nick came up with a startling question.
What if we had stayed in Arizona with Deryk? “Why would you think of that?” I asked.
“Well… I was just wondering what you would do? What would you do if we had to
stay there?” He seemed frightened by the question.
“I… don’t know…” I couldn’t answer the question; I was stunned by his answer. My
little brother sounded just so little and alone. He stood there his hazel eyes seemed to get bigger every moment I couldn’t answer.
“Would you do anything?” he didn’t look me in the eye as he spoke.
“What!” I couldn’t imagine he just said that. “I would move across the country for
you.”
“What would you do about Deryk?” all I could see was his heart in his eyes, the grief that needed to be let go.
“Well, I would call the police, or maybe I’d be sent to juvi for beating an old guy to death.” The last thing made him smile; the smile was showing his new teeth that had been growing in. with my answer he walked off to play with Nicole like nothing horrible had ever happened to him at all. Moments like that I wish could happen all the time. I actually don’t know what I would do. Would I actually have the courage to call the police? I’m pretty sure I would definitely have the courage to beat that guy to death and tear him apart with my bare hands.
I would definitely hurt Deryk to the point where he would die. He should he is evil and our parents were not. Our dad lived to the age of 29, our mom 42. He being 72 and evil definitely deserves the right to be dead. Just thinking about unfair life is sends millions of raw emotions into my body and mind.
Anger, rage sorrow, confusion, pain, and many other emotions that it would take me years to explain. Even if I wrote them down word for word it would probably be all sorts off gibberish to you. These emotions were coming back just like when I found out my mom was gone.
I would never hear say good night, good morning even boring stuff that she could talk for hours for. But I would have her talk about computers just so I could her my moms’ voice. The way she would smile or make funny voices to make us laugh. Those were the moments I would kill for. Literally. Those emotions were all coming back but in different manners.
I had to get back to the real question, what would I do? Maybe I would let one of the child protection services (C.P.S) people deal with it. If they did Nick and I would be sent into foster care. We could be separated, I wouldn’t be able to function I wouldn’t be able to breath knowing Nick was gone. To me that was worse than us dying.
Maybe I could run away. Nick and would be together, like I wanted ever since our
mom died. I thought that when our dad died it was just the three of us. When my mom
passed the only number left is two. I could do running. I wouldn’t let anything hurt us that would be over my dead body. This hopefully won’t be happening any time soon. I won’t ever know I guess but that would be as far as I could go. If I could go farther, if that was possible, I would.
All I know is that I would go to the ends of the earth to get my brother away from that monster of a man. I would do everything humanly and inhumanly possible to make sure my only immediate family member will have the best life he could ever have after this. Any kid that has to go through what he did should. Too bad the world won’t recognize that factor. Maybe they only care about famous people but famous people make up their own problems; like breaking a nail and not notice while doing a photo shoot. That would probably make the front page for maybe a week give or take.
I don’t know what I would do and I’m glad I will never find out. Thankfully our aunt had come into our lives at the right time. During the seven months I spent enduring Deryk I began to lose the faith in if there was a god or not. Now I guess I can thank faith for being there when we needed it the most. Faith or not things happen for a reason and they happen when they happen.
I know every feeling in the world one human being can feel. I know every type of rage and sorrow a teenage girl can feel worth a lifetime. But I probably wouldn’t give that up. If this didn’t happen I wouldn’t have realized how much I needed to be close to my family. My family is family, they wont hurt you they will always be there for you, they will be the hands that will hold you up when you fall. I will never, never, ever forgive Deryk for what he did to my little, 11 year old brother. Deryk will never deserve my attention and he never will get it. We don’t talk about Deryk much anymore. My brother and I try to think about all the happy things that we did with our mom. In those times we would laugh and cry. Even if we would cry it would still be one of those happy Kodak moments. My brother and I would escape reality for a while.
During those occasional times when we would talk about our mom; I feel as if the gap between us that Deryk had created was being filled up twice as fast as we had to lose it. I hated the situation we were in. hated it more than the life I had been given.In the long run of things everything sort of worked out. My brother and I are getting closer than ever. Before we were just drifting away. Further and further apart. Maybe I could even thank Deryk, without him I would have never have realized how much my brother and I really needed each other. Without what had happened we wouldn’t be the people we are and we wouldn’t have the feelings we have today. I’m pretty lucky thatthings had happened the way they happened.
Everything that needs to fall into place will fall into place. You just need to let it happen how ever hard it may be. You might not want to be in the situation your in but every thing does happen for a reason. My little brother and I are living proof of this. Even if you’re young you can make it through. My little Nick was just ten and I was just fourteen.
hey
im just bored and am just thinking about random things by looking at the comments of all my post......... im pretty bored to night soo thats all im going to say atually im going to post my longer short story on her when i read it to my creative i was literally shaking with all the emotion i felt and put in to the story..
pebbles
pebbles
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
money
today was pretty ok i got hunted down by my cousin and one of his friends cause i thought i was in troble and he does punch hard and evaded him but he took my backpack so i had to go to him but actually he just wanted the money that i didnt have... but still i try to avoid him at all cost cause when evers teryn is around me and my friends he ends up embarrassing or hitting me soo no offense teryn but ur not really good with freshman..
pebbles
pebbles
Monday, April 6, 2009
Driving and taxicabs!!!
hey guys yesterday was soooooo awesome!!!! teryn being 16 and all he decided to take the jeep and drive over huge hedges that were really close to our property and he went over them and well lets just say im really short yet my head hit the celling... and this is off topic but my leg is frickin twitchin and its driving me CRAZY!!.. my aunt ust said to cut my leg off cause i have another one... my family is the most sypathetic of them all... anyway it was really fun despite the fact that teryn scared the shit out of me he did really sharp turns really fast and went over some hills pretty fast so teryn has promised me that he will NEVER be a taxicab driver and if he does i wish his first passenger good luck... but it was really fun we played my two three days grace c.d.s and it was really funny we went over this gigatimundo hill and when we came down the song "get out alive" was playing.. and some how brett(my little brother) slapped hiself in the face im cracking up jut thinking about it.. and then my uncle matt took over and did doghnuts so for that teryn was my seat belt i didnt let go of him it was funny but seriously if my uncle or cousin become a taxicab driver may my prayers be with you...then teryn thought it would be halarious if he picked me up over his shoulder (that really hurts my stomach when he does that he has stone shoulders) and he picked me up and threw me up in the air and thank all gods out there that he caught me!!! hes getting a liking to picking me up and i really dont liked being picked up.. being dragged across the science building hall way isnt that much fun either... maybe if i have like 3 doughnts everyday ill gain like like a pound cause i like wiegh around 90-100 lbs and when people my age can bench that weight im like a tooth pick...
-pebbles
-pebbles
Sunday, April 5, 2009
check it out
this is my friends cheyennes blog so as the tittle says: check it out!!!
http:cheyenne555031.blogspot.com
cheyenne is the most coolest and down to earth girl u will ever meet she kept her promise to keep in touch with me even after i moved away from AZ so pls follow and check out her blog..
pebbles
http:cheyenne555031.blogspot.com
cheyenne is the most coolest and down to earth girl u will ever meet she kept her promise to keep in touch with me even after i moved away from AZ so pls follow and check out her blog..
pebbles
MUDVAYNE!!!
hey guys i just wanted to say that mudvayne is one of the best possible bands out there!!!!
yay go MUDVAYNE!!!!!!!!!!
pebbles
yay go MUDVAYNE!!!!!!!!!!
pebbles
Friday, April 3, 2009
sorry
im for my emotional outbreak yesterday its so hard to keep every thing inside.... but onthe briteside my dog got groomed today!!! sorry...but today was also confusing.. this guy that i kinda liked but i dont think he was very interested in me and he kinda streaked down the hallway i happened to be in..... any way he talked to me this morning at the end of english:
he asked me "you know that kid that sits in the hall with you?"
"yah.. jordin."
"yah do you know why he ran away from me is he scared of me?"
"uh no he never brought it up and i never asked."
"oh... i heard he can draw pretty good."
"uh yah he could draw better than me by alot i mean if i could draw like him i would be too focused on drawing than caring about my grades."
"oh... he looks cool now huh?"
"yah he looks really cool i like it!!! a lot!! he looks have skater half scene i really like it"
"oh" then he completely stopped talking to me grr so i think i completely just blew it with him
GUYS ARE SOOOO CONFUSING!!!!!!!!!!
pebbles
he asked me "you know that kid that sits in the hall with you?"
"yah.. jordin."
"yah do you know why he ran away from me is he scared of me?"
"uh no he never brought it up and i never asked."
"oh... i heard he can draw pretty good."
"uh yah he could draw better than me by alot i mean if i could draw like him i would be too focused on drawing than caring about my grades."
"oh... he looks cool now huh?"
"yah he looks really cool i like it!!! a lot!! he looks have skater half scene i really like it"
"oh" then he completely stopped talking to me grr so i think i completely just blew it with him
GUYS ARE SOOOO CONFUSING!!!!!!!!!!
pebbles
Thursday, April 2, 2009
alone
sometimes i feel so alone i know that my friends and family will say your never alone with us but how is that possible no one else feels the way i do i wnt people to be like me i just want one person just one person who will understand me more than i do myself and the only person that knew me was my mom... and know shes gone and two minus one is always one... i dont want to think so pessimest like but if i act like optimist it will only be a mask... i wrote this quote one day before school:
no one made a book on how to live your life
i wish they did
whoever "they" are
but then again who ever follows by the book?
also:
what is a mask?
is it the mask of the person i want to be
or is it the person who i despise most?
WHO REALLY KNOWS?
why is there always a "then" and a "now"?
will there ever be an "after"?
why must everything have a darkside?
i also wrote a poem in haiku form:
the raw emotions
they tear me from the inside
i can barely breath
pebbles
no one made a book on how to live your life
i wish they did
whoever "they" are
but then again who ever follows by the book?
also:
what is a mask?
is it the mask of the person i want to be
or is it the person who i despise most?
WHO REALLY KNOWS?
why is there always a "then" and a "now"?
will there ever be an "after"?
why must everything have a darkside?
i also wrote a poem in haiku form:
the raw emotions
they tear me from the inside
i can barely breath
pebbles
anger
i feel as if i will only feel beter till i hit and punch something or hurt myself but i promised to many people that i wouldnt but i never promised not to hurt others im the tiniest person on the earth but would love to fight and hit and kick as if my life depended on it also i think i would love to get hit also... i dont know why im so mad i have it pretty good...now... but i feel the anger and rage coiled up so tight and hot it feels like its burning me from the inside... im just so mad and when people hit me i cant ot hit back i feel as if im losing my self and i just got into caring about my grades... when im with my friends im not like this im happy but any other time i just get soooo mad i want to scream and hit and i KNOW even when i let out all the anger i felt at a certain moment it will always come back..i dont know what to do with my self when i listen to my type of music i get angrier because it reminds me of what i am and what im becoming... how am i ever going to get past this i know that everyone dies someday and that my day is coming... this and mt confusing ager is almost always what i can think about and i dont want to do therapy again i know i need it but i cant do that because that will just remind me of what a complete nutcase i am.... i dont want to deal with it any more but i dont know how not to
pebbles
pebbles
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
cheetos!!!! and other stuff
hey guy today was soo cool lunch is obviously the best part!!!! first jordan looked all sceneish today i liked it he had these awesome glasses,wristband and studded braclet plus his usual skater clothes it was soooo awesome!!! and we got into really weird conversations about vodka and pocky and marshmallows and pastacios lol and we tried to rip a cheeto bag in half and it didnt work.. we tried one person on each side pulling so i got dragged around a lot it didnt rip but it made a cheeto bag bracelet it was funny i lost like 6 pouds laughing it was one of those rare days where i was actually happy and laughing so to me it was a good day... i guess my friends are likeable alot even if they arent lik me.... oh and in other newsmy friend is going to start a blog her name is pretzel she doesnt want pple to know her name and my creative writting class wants to start a blog!!!! so im gonna tell mr. nelsen to get a blog on blogger cause its awesome.... uea thats all that really happened today so it was actually a pretty good day for but i do have to baby sit my little brother and sister (my cousin is like my sister) cause my aunt and uncle are going ouut so its cereal for dinner!!! i can cook butim very lazy when it comes to cooking for other pple and when im not really hungry... yup that is how my day was and is going okay guys i might post later if im bored or not all depends on the nights mood... bye!!
-pebbles
-pebbles
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