yeah as u can tell I haven't been doing my normal everyday blogging and what not but I guess the truth is that I haven't been feeling normal lately. I'm having another rough patch in my life but who doesn't? I don't really know what this rough part is really about. I think I'm going into depression. I think it's because I don't have to worry about things much anymore that I just don't have much to do and therefore aren't interested in anything anymore. Except my writting that is. That could also conclude for my "attitude" lately. From my aunt's perspective i've been moody and grouchy and just in general pretty horrible to everyone that matters (family and friends). But it's not like I try to be this way I just do it, like a second instinct, it just happens before I can think. Don't know how to stop it. And I'm not sure if I want to stop it either. If I don't care about things then maybe things in my life will become easier. Like deaths, for example, if I'm not close to anyone anymore then I dot have to go through what I did. I don't see why my aunt would be complaining that I keep acting like this. One, if I don't think about anything I get bored, which means that I will do my homework without complaint. So my daily routine would be something for someone like me to worship.
- get up(get dressed, brush teeth, eat, ect.)
- go to school (just deal with teachers)
- lunch(put on a mask for my friends or retreat to the bathroom)
- go home(after one more class)
- do my homework
- eat
- go to bed(brush teeth, take shower)
To me it sounds great, slowly but surely I'm building a huge unbreakable shell that's keeping my sanity (or whats left of it) and myself away from the rest of the world. It sounds wonderfull and peaceful (despite my thoughts) If I could only find a way to keep my thoughts quiet then maybe I would be happy.
but the other dilema is my aspiring dream to be an author, clinically depressed or not I'm going to find a way to make that happen.
Oh, and another announcement before I go write and edit my many stories, PLEASE, IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN MY LIFE AND HENCEFORTH MY BLOG PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW MY BLOG.
I find it highly disrespectable that people are following my blog just to follow it, and the fact that people are posting "bad" sites on my comments. This is a place for a teenage girl to express her life as it flies by. If you do not care for what happens to me then please do not follow. Mostly I think that people who follow my blog respect the fact that I am sharing some of my deep thoughts with the internet based world. Plus it's always nice to help a couple orphans here and there like me with their problems. Anyway please don't follow if you do not care for what is on here. It gets me happy when people are seeing what I have to say and abusing that really hurts me and I have enough inside dilemas going on to worry about how my suppsed followers don't care about what this blog is about.
I think I'm done lecturing so I'm off to write and possible watch some Naruto episodes. (darn you kate! how dare you get me adddicted to surprisingly not boring anime!)
AuthorOfTomorrow
1 comment:
Pebbles, you shouldn't think that not caring about things will make your life easier...I mean, if you're hurting your family and friends...that's bad. But I care about what you write here. I wish I could help you, too. I often feel bad when I compare my life to yours...It makes me feel foolish to write about all the nice things that happen to me when you're so close by, suffering. I haven't even seen you at school, but I know you go there. Anyway, I don't really want to try and tell you how to live your life, but I do hope you'll do the right thing.
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